


baby we weren't meant for closure (tell me when the storm is over)

by babybluebells



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Implied Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kunimi Akira-centric, M/M, Mentioned Iwaizumi Hajime, Mentioned Oikawa Tooru, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29315691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybluebells/pseuds/babybluebells
Summary: Akira is but one of many shadows lost in the darkness, swallowed up by the night.Try as he might, he will never reach the stars.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Kunimi Akira
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29





	baby we weren't meant for closure (tell me when the storm is over)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [plumii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plumii/gifts).



> For plum! Thanks for dragging me all the way down into KuniKage hell and yelling about them to me and then yelling about them WITH me as we both threw ideas at each other. I have way too many feelings about them now. 
> 
> Title from _When The Storm Is Over_ by Sofia Karlberg.
> 
> With some help, I've got a [playlist](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLGk1iQPkSoHnC1ME6RMiZ-zgLUqN98Ok-) for this fic and all your sad KuniKage vibing needs. Feel free to check it out if you want!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

_Denial. (n) Failure to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion or to admit it into consciousness, used as a defense mechanism._

——————

When Akira first met Kageyama Tobio in his first year of middle school, he didn’t think much of him. He was just another bright-eyed first-year with a one-track mind for volleyball. 

Then he hit one Kageyama’s sets for the first time like it was the easiest thing in the world, and he realized that he may have been off in his assumption.

Kageyama Tobio wasn’t “just another bright-eyed first-year.” This kid was serious. He played volleyball like he needed it to live. 

And maybe, to some extent, he did.

Akira couldn’t understand it. He’d never been an overachiever. He’d never been one to go all out, to put all of his being into a single activity. He’d never cared enough about anything to try. 

Volleyball was tiring. School was tiring. He’d do what was required of him, just enough to get by, but he’d always be looking for the easiest possible route. He never did more than was expected of him. If anything, people probably wanted more out of him than what they got. 

So he never understood why Kageyama was the way he was, why he did so much for a sport Akira had never considered more than a hobby, something to pass the time.

But there was a part of him that wanted to understand. 

So he watched. 

He watched as Kageyama would trail after their upperclassmen like an eager puppy that wanted to learn new tricks. 

He watched as Kageyama was refused time and time again by Oikawa, sometimes teasingly and sometimes brutally. 

He watched as Kageyama watched Oikawa intently, as though he could learn all of his secrets through observation alone. 

He watched as Kageyama stayed late night after night, all for the sake of getting _better_. Sometimes Kageyama would ask some of the other first-years to stay with him, but Akira was always out the door before he even got the chance to ask. 

They weren’t friends, not really. Sometimes, Kindaichi would invite Kageyama to join him and Akira at lunch and sometimes, Kageyama would say yes. He’d sit there quietly, focusing all his attention on his food rather than the people he was sitting with. Kindaichi would attempt to make small talk and Kageyama would attempt to give responses, stunted though they were. 

And Akira watched.

By all means, Kageyama should have been the type of person Akira would feel distaste towards. He was everything Akira wasn’t— eager, overachieving, _passionate_. 

And yet, instead all Akira could do was watch on with mild fascination. There was just something so _interesting_ about this boy that made Akira want to understand everything about him. He wanted to know what drove him, what made him the way he was. 

Everything about Kageyama was unknown, and Akira wanted to know it.

As time passed, part of him realized that he may have even found Kageyama’s earnest eagerness _endearing_. 

The rest of him promptly shut that down. 

Akira’s never been one to care too much. If anything, he’s always cared too little.

He wasn’t about to start caring now.

So he watched, but he watched from a distance.

He couldn’t afford to get any closer.

——————

_Anger. (n) A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility._

——————

In Akira’s third year of middle school, there’s a shift.

Somewhere along the line, Kageyama becomes more volatile, prone to outbursts over the smallest mistakes. 

He glares. He grits his teeth. He criticizes. He yells. 

_Move faster. Jump higher. Try harder. Why aren’t you trying harder?_

Kageyama becomes a merciless tyrant, a ruthless dictator. He commands the rest of them according to his own desires, sparing nobody. 

Kageyama Tobio becomes The King of the Court.

Akira, who’s never been one to hustle, who’s always done the bare minimum, takes the brunt of Kageyama’s criticism and frustration. Nothing he ever does is enough. 

He knows, of course he knows. He’d be the first to admit that he’s lazy, that he’s always taking the easy way out. But knowing it is different from being called out for it constantly. Unaffected though he may seem, he doesn’t like being told what to do.

He’s curated a lifestyle that works for him. He can’t do anything if he’s tired, so he tries to conserve energy. He considers it efficiency. Unfortunately, none of that seems to matter to Kageyama.

The quiet curiosity Akira had been harbouring turns to resentment. He wonders if Kageyama resents him too. 

If Kageyama is their king, then the rest of them are merely his subjects. He rules alone, sitting in an unreachable throne at the top of a tall, tall tower. He does what he wants and expects everyone else to follow.

But what happens when the subjects become dissatisfied with their leader?

_Move faster! Jump higher! If you want to win, get there in time to hit my sets!_

They stage a revolt.

_We’re not going to follow you anymore. We’ve had enough._

_We’d be better off without you._

Kageyama gets benched. They lose in the finals. They graduate and leave Kitagawa Daiichi behind.

And through all that, Akira doesn’t say a word to Kageyama.

None of them do.

——————

_Bargaining. (v) Clinging to hope, attempting to maintain control and delay the inevitable through futile promises of change._

——————

They have a practice match with Karasuno, under one condition:

Kageyama Tobio must play as their starting setter.

Akira isn’t one to dwell on the past. Middle school happened, and maybe it wasn’t the greatest towards the end but it’s over and he’s moved past it. There’s no reason for him to still be thinking about it. 

But now, with Kageyama standing right across the net from him, Akira can’t help but compare his experiences with what he sees right in front of him. 

He sees the way Kageyama interacts with his new teammates, the way he actually attempts to communicate. He sees the way Kageyama fumbles through interactions with them but never yells, never criticizes, never takes his frustrations out on his teammates, not the way he used to. 

He sees one of Kageyama’s new teammates, a player he vaguely remembers from their last tournament with orange hair and insane agility, miss one of Kageyama’s tosses. He can’t blame the kid. After all, nobody can honestly expect to hit something at that speed. He starts to wonder if Kageyama truly hasn’t changed at all.

He sees Kageyama whirl around. 

“Hinata!” 

He braces for impact, but it never comes. Instead, all he hears is:

“Sorry, my bad. That one was too high.”

Kindaichi looks as baffled as Akira feels. “Kageyama…”

“Apologized...?” Akira finishes. 

They stare at each other for a second longer before turning to look at the duo bickering in front of them. Kunimi shakes his head and turns his focus back to the game.

Then on the next point Hinata slams down the exact same toss before any of them even have time to process it. 

He sees Kageyama celebrate the point with the rest of the team. He sees Kageyama _smiling_ at his teammates.

He sees the way Kageyama looks at Hinata like he hung the moon and the stars.

_Oh_. 

_That’s new._

After the game, Akira sees Kageyama exiting the washroom. He resists the urge to follow him and ask what the _hell_ happened in the time between their graduation and now to have changed him so much. For as much as Akira’s watched Kageyama, he’s never truly been able to figure him out. This is no different.

Instead, he walks over to where he knows Kindaichi is still standing.

“What, did you two talk?” He already knows the answer, but asks out of courtesy.

“Kageyama… said _we_.” 

“Huh?” That wasn’t exactly what he was expecting Kindaichi to say.

“Before, he was always _I_ this, _me_ that, like he was the only one on the team.” He pauses here, but Akira remains silent. He knows that Kindaichi still has more to say. 

“Damn it…” and here, he turns to face Akira. He’s smiling, but his eyes are watery. “Why does this bother me so much?” 

_Why couldn’t he do that for us?_ It goes unsaid, but Akira hears it anyway.

He swats Kindaichi on the shoulder. It’s no use dwelling on the past, thinking about _what could have been_. He repeats it to himself like a mantra. 

And yet, he can’t seem to stop thinking about it, long after the game has ended and they’ve gone home for the night.

The Kageyama he saw today seemed like a totally new person. But underneath all that, isn’t he still the same as he’s always been?

He’s still got that passion for volleyball, the drive to reach higher and higher and _higher_ still. He still puts his whole being and then some into his playing.

So maybe, the change didn’t come from Kageyama himself, but…

( _He sees the way Kageyama looks at Hinata like he hung the moon and the stars._ )

Oh. That’s it, isn’t it?

But if the change didn’t come from Kageyama, then does that mean this side of him has been there the whole time? The part of him that tries to reach out? The part of him that works with others and listens to what they have to say? The part of him that smiles with his teammates? The part of him that is _kind?_

( _Why couldn’t he do that for us?_ )

What does Hinata have that they didn’t? That _Akira_ didn’t? What makes Hinata so much more deserving of that side of Kageyama?

_What made Akira so much more deserving of Kageyama’s contempt?_

Akira’s never been one to dwell on things. He’s never been one to entertain thoughts of _what if?_

And yet, he can’t stop himself from wondering.

_What if I had done things differently? What if I had tried harder? What if I had practiced more? What if I had made more of an attempt to reach out to him? What if, what if, what if…?_

Maybe he should have done things differently. Maybe he should have offered to stay late. Maybe he should have been more patient. Maybe he should have put more of himself into it all. 

Maybe he should have tried harder to understand Kageyama.

Everything about it goes against his nature. He knows it won’t make a difference now. 

And yet, he can’t stop himself from wondering.

_If I had done all that…_

_Would he have looked at me like that?_

_Would I have been enough for him?_

——————

_Depression. (n) Feelings of severe despondency and dejection._

——————

That night, Akira dreams of the night sky. He dreams of the stars, bright and larger than life and out of his reach. 

He dreams of something unattainable. He reaches anyway.

He wakes up empty-handed. He wakes up feeling hollow.

He wakes up to a realization.

Hinata is someone that can keep up with Kageyama. He’s someone who can challenge him, push him to greater heights. He’s someone who excites him. He’s someone who _understands_ him.

He has that passion. That drive. That _hunger_. He loves volleyball in the way that Kageyama does.

In the way that Akira doesn’t.

Everything about Hinata is bright and larger than life and everything Akira isn’t. 

It’s no wonder Kageyama is drawn to Hinata like a moth to a flame.

If Kageyama is the night sky, then Hinata is a star that shines brighter because of it. 

And Akira…

Akira is but one of many shadows lost in the darkness, swallowed up by the night. 

Try as he might, he will never reach the stars.

——————

_Acceptance. (n) Assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition without attempting to change it or protest it._

——————

Kunimi Akira knows 2 truths.

_The first truth: He loves Kageyama Tobio._

When Akira first met Kageyama and wanted nothing more than to understand him, to _know_ him.

When he found himself endeared by him.

When he resented Kageyama for criticizing him, again and again, when all he wanted was to be _heard_. To _know_ , and to _be known_ in return.

When he took a stand. When he decided he wouldn’t follow Kageyama anymore.

When they stood facing each other a few months later, threads of blackened memories crisscrossing between them. An irreparable rift. 

When Akira could only look on as Kageyama smiled more with his new teammates than he ever did before.

When he saw the way Kageyama looked at Hinata and felt something crack inside him, ever so slightly. 

They’d never been friends, not really. But even so… 

Through it all, Akira has loved Kageyama Tobio quietly. 

_The second truth: Kageyama Tobio doesn’t love him back._

Akira knows this like he knows he’ll probably fall asleep during class later, knows this like he knows Iwaizumi will probably throw at least 3 balls at Oikawa during practice and then smack him on the head for good measure. 

There’s only room for one in Kageyama’s heart, and Akira knows that space doesn’t belong to him.

After all, Kageyama needs someone who can match him stride for stride. He needs someone who can challenge him, who can push him to do better, to _be_ better. He needs someone who stands out, bold and bright, someone who shines in his darkness. He needs someone who _understands_ him.

He needs someone who trusts him, someone he can trust in return. 

He needs someone who is everything Akira isn’t.

And Akira knows this.

_He’s always known this._

Kageyama Tobio doesn’t love him back. He’ll never love him back, not as long as he keeps looking at Hinata like that.

How ironic that Kageyama’s the one with the black uniform when Akira’s the one in mourning.

——————

_Grief. (n) The response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or some living thing that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed._

**Author's Note:**

> > It's not exactly Kageyama who he's grieving for, it's the missed opportunities and the seed of love that had been scorched to ash and carved out before it even had the chance to emerge... the gaping hole that remained in their wake... and even if one day, they were to find their way back to one another, Akira knows that Kageyama will have no more room in his heart for one more, one more who has nothing to offer that hasn't already been given by the shining sun at his side.
> 
> plum was so distraught after reading that she wrote this nice little epilogue. I think it's important to note that it was in all caps.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I'm sorry if I made any of you sad but also that was the point ksdjhfksjdhf _pain_
> 
> I'm on Twitter [@babybluebells](https://twitter.com/babybluebells) if you want to come say hi and/or yell at me!


End file.
